Sunday...
Hav I crossed the line again?
i told myself abt a week ago dat i'll step back in front of the line.....but it's not dat easy....i've still been contacting her....
Apparently, i didn't hide my unhappiness too well i guess....
cos tis morning, she smsed me asking me if i wanna go out for coffee or sth.....hmmm, quite sharp of her huh....i was quite surprised to receive dat sms....
but it's a reali nice gesture....frm a fren whom i've onli started speaking to since earli May....earlier on, it was merely kinda acquaintance/schmate/normal fren kinda connection....
and i appreciate tis kind of gestures.....
at first, i didn't reali wan to trouble her cos after all, we juz went out yesterday, and i didn't reali wan her to spend her entire weekend with some troubled little pesky idiot.....
but well, i still decided to go out in the end.....and after discussing on the fone, we decided to go to Harbourfront...managed to get Elysia and Jiarong to go oso....
i was late again.....oops....but cos i had to help bring in the clothes on the bamboo poles and hang them up before i go out, and cos i had to have a quick lunch....hmm, but still, i shldn't hav been....and i felt a little bad....2 out of 3 times....i've been late....
i gotta seriously watch the punctuality thingy again...
Ely and her haven't met in awhile, and actually i thot it might hav been better if i wasn't there...cos i dono if i was interrupting their girls' talk or sth lydat....
hmm, aniwaiz, Jiarong met us at city hall mrt later on at 6plus.....i had suggested going to Chijmes....but eventually, we detoured and went to Baker's Inn at One Fullerton....my suggestion too....cos my previous visit to there had left me with a very good impression...
nice place to dine....by the sea....with the nice seabreeze....darkness illuminated by a candle....actually it might be considered as a lesser version of a candlelight dinner....but aniwaiz....i'm glad the rest of them liked the place too....
den we started having tis exchange of our initial impressions of each other.....quite interesting....although some answers were kinda expected....
Elysia got very excitable again....and again, i had the most to say....hahaz, i tink MJ's right abt me....i'm noisy....yea....but todae i wasn't particularly noisy, cos i was feeling pretty tired frm 2 nites of poor quality sleep....
Then, we started telling each other abt our current impressions of each other.....
Jiarong mentioned sth which he felt was negative abt me....he said i'm oversensitive sometimes and even act abit like a girl sometimes.....well, not in the girly sense, but in the sense dat i'll sometimes be over-considerate....
yupz, i agree with dat oso....i'll tink abt it....
i didn't reali expect we'd stay out till so late tonite....but i hope everyone had fun during the dinner chats....well, i did....
while sending her home, we bumped into 2 of her frens who were giggling a little and giving me 'dat' kinda look, and i instantly could tell wat was on their minds.....
hmm, i juz kinda smiled back and left them to chat on the way down the escalator....
yea....dat kinda sums up todae.....i wanted to say more.....but reali am feeling very tired.....i was super dehydrated on the way home on the mrt.....arghh, i felt terrible without water....and i juz wanted to reach home soon....
i was happy she asked to go out todae actually, but yet i'm supposed to step back in front of the line.....hmmm, the ambivalence is here again.....
The 'Normal' me vs. The 'Rational' me.....tough competition.....
i hav no idea how it will turn out.....
maybe i'm tinkin too much.....yah, i guess i probably am..... *???? filling my brain* = time to sleep soon....
let nature take its course....
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How does everyone live their lives?
I've been kinda tinkin abt tis qns recently.....
some ppl choose the route to Power, some to Wealth, some to pure Happiness....etc etc....the list is non-exhaustive....
more often den not, it is a hybrid, a mixture of many of the positive thgs in life which ppl pursue....
i've been tinking.....
am i living it the right way?
i've alwaiz thot dat i'm right.....but am i reali right?
or is there no right answer?
Family comes above all.....health and happiness for my family and all my frens.....
I wanna work hard so dat i can take good care of my loved ones and provide them with a comfortable level of material living in future.....and oso so dat i can be a very positive and hopefully, significant contribution to society in future....
i've alwaiz believed in the maxim of 'Do unto others what others do unto you'.....
and so i treat my frens with sincerity, respect and usually whole-hearted trust (esp the closer ones whom i feel strongly dat i can trust)....
i erect almost no barriers between close frens and i....
All tis because i believe dat the way frens or other ppl treat me is a mirror reflection of how i treat them....
so when i feel dat someone has been very nice to me, i'd like to tink dat i've been reali nice to dat someone too...
and vice versa.....
Someway along the way, i couldn't take Medicine as i'd hav loved to since pri sch.....
Being able to be a successful and relatively wealthy entrepreneur will allow me to still contribute to society in a significant manner....
besides any community work which i can contribue to, having the financial muscle will mean dat i'll be able to help the less privileged in a bigger, more reactive and more effective manner....
Much more in the way i live my life....but dat's for another dae....
For now.....the critical qnss which i am pondering abt....
Am i heaping too much pressure on myself or other ppl arnd me?
Maybe I've been accustomed to tis kind of pressure and so i am more comfortable with it....but not so for ppl arnd me?
Maybe i've been causing some ppl arnd me to be uncomfortable? Or unhappy?
i didn't use to tink abt all these.....but now, it seems like the answers might be 'yes' to some of them....no particular reason but i juz feel it might be so.....
hmm, i hav no idea where i'm heading with this train of thot.....
but well, life is sometimes reali tiring enuff oredi.....i tink i shan't let tis questions bother me.....
i will live the life as i tink shld be the right way....
and everyone shld do so too.....
but of cos, at the same time, it is necessary to make sure dat self-exploits or self-expectations do not affect others in negative ways....
okie....juz a quote i found quite meaningful and shared with MJ, Ely and Jiarong tonite before i go read the 'Digital Fortress' she lent me...
and nitez....i'm sleeping after doing some reading....
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