Thursday...
I feel better after 8hrs of sleep last nite, sore throat gone but voice still hoarse....nevertheless, i'm feeling better....
Came back from sch and did my workout, haven't worked out since last sat....I alwaiz start off with a set of chinups, and todae i managed 18....hmmm, dat's a new for me as i've been stuck at 16-17 for quite some time...at least, something good todae =)
Had been spending quite abit of time reading old emails Icy sent me....A walk down memory lane....and i feel so ashamed of the old me....Basically, i was juz a lazy, unrepentant, unappreciative and undeserving good-for-nothing....serious....
A walk down memory lane would do myself real good as i reflect on my past, my terrible past...
Primary School
I topped the entire level in P1 and P2....my parents were so proud of me cos my dad got to be the guest-of-honour to give out the book prizes at the Annual Prize Giving session.....In P2, I was nominated by teachers and my principal for the National Courtesy Campaign competition...and I eventually got awarded for the Top 20, I represented my primary school and everyone was proud of me....I became the school icon....every teacher, every student, every student's parents knew and liked me....
Things took a turn for the worse from P3 onwards....i guess i kinda was led astray by some 'not so good' frens....Even though i continued to be in the top 5 or top 10 in the entire level all thru P6, my ranking slid every year....Dat wasn't the worst....in P3 or P4, i can't reali rem....i upset this teacher who was very fond of me....her name is Ms Chua...there were 2 exam papers on that uneventful dae...
Ms Chua: (to the class) later in the aftn, health ed paper, not counted in the results, but i wan all of u to take it seriously, all the boys, strictly NO soccer....
Everyone: Yes, Ms Chua...
Ms Chua: Jinfa, u help me ensure that the boys all behave themselves k...
Me: Yes, Ms Chua...
After recess, Ms Chua realised that there was the sweaty stench in the classroom and she immediately knew that the boys had been playing soccer...she was very angry and...
Ms Chua: who played soccer? u better own up!!!
(Silence, no one dared to)
Ms Chua: never mind, Jinfa, u tell me, who played just now?
Me: (speechless)
Some boy: Ms Chua, Jinfa played too!
I tink at dat moment....lightning flashed and thunder boomed.....her face changed from angry to shocked to extreme anger + extreme shock......
Ms Chua: Jinfa, did u reali play?
Me: (in a mousy like voice) sorry Ms Chua.....I.....
Ms Chua: Jinfa, you!!!! you!!!
SIghz, from that dae onwards, she never trusted me again....that was the first time i ever betrayed anyone's trust...and i reali reali regret it....which is why i still remember it till todae....i wonder how she is doing now and where she is......
Anderson Sec
My happiest years of my life so far were spent at Anderson Sec...my best frens were oso from there, my WiseUtd was formed there.....my fondest of memories, my most exciting of memories, all were from there....
I was lucky....I managed to get a decent score for my PSLE and got into the top class at Anderson, ranked 5th in sg at dat time....lucky cos given my efforts, i probably got more than i deserved....However, reality set in and I couldn't enforce any discipline to study at all.....thus, after a year in the best class, i was relegated to 2/2.....still considered lucky though....i could have slipped more....
Sec 2 was a very important year because there was streaming.....I knew that streaming could determine my future studies and career and even my life.....BUT, again....i did not and could not seem to study....i continued to be in the bottom few in class....and feared for my own future as i did nothing everydae except for playing soccer after sch till evening....
The final exams came.....2 major turning points of my life which wasn't even due to my own effort....it was PURE luck...
FIrst,
there were 2 main papers the next dae...Higher Chinese and Science.....Nevertheless, i still had the guts to play soccer and reached home at 7+, tired from the playing.....and I had NOT even touched any of the 2 subjects.....although i was prepared to burn the midnight oil, i knew that i onli had time to burn 1 paper....and I chose Science cos it was one of the main criteria for streaming.....I was lucky again....despite onli 1hr of sleep, i somehow managed to scrape past and get an A1 for Science.....However, it wasn't such a rosy story for my H.CHinese....i got C5 and was forced to drop it.....It's also one of my regrets as chinese was one of my stronger and favourite subjs...and i was forced to drop it....sighz....
SEcond,
tis one is even more unbelievable....Maths....the other main criteria for streaming considerations....On the eve of the paper, i was still quite clueless abt the syllabus....i thot i was going to be dead meat......until Liren called....Liren was a gd fren of mine...
Liren: Jinfa, how huh? maths how u stdy?
Me: dono leh...alot of things i still dono....i tink try the assessment bk the teacher recommended lor...
Liren: okie....page wat?
Me: (randomly flipped to 1) try page ** lah....i tink i'll try later oso...
Liren: okie...see u tmr....
of cos i didn't noe how to do the questions in the assessment book...but i at least read thru the solutions.....The next dae arrived.....when i opened the exam paper....my eyes nearly POPPED out! the major questions were almost....well, they were 98% identical to the questions i tried last nite!!! unbelievable right....well, i aced it of cos...got A1 for maths as well...but i'm not proud of it at all....why should i be when none of the credit could go to myself?
Naturally, i was streamed into my first choice....Triple Sci....3/2...cos 3/1 was for Trip Sci + H.Chi.....well...i didn't complain....i was oredi lucky to be able to make it into a triple sci class....
Unfortunately, i still did NOT repent....i continued playing soccer and online games everydae...encouraged by the fact that i onli had to be promoted to sec 4...and abit of complacency cos i was in a supposedly better class.... (although it was onli pure luck).....
Sec 3 Mid Yr L1R5: 28
Sec 3 Final L1R5: 25
Sec 4 MidYr: 22
Sec 4 Prelims: 17
yah....got improvement over the semesters yah.....like real....i onli managed to get into some JC with that prelims score...otherwise i'd hav gotten nuttin at all....alot of teachers did not like me...cos they felt that i pulled down the class mean...i don blame them....but i particularly did not like 2 of them.....Mrs Koh FC and Mr Yen.....Bio and CHem teachers respectively....i did not like them cos they humiliated me in front of the entire class....one particular incident..
KFC: good, u all did well for the prelims, i hope everyone will continue working hard and get all the distinctions in the O's...especially some ppl (turned to look at me and Junming, my best fren, cos we did the worst, both B4)
Junming and me: (angry and humiliated but nothing we cld do...suck thumb)
Some ppl looked down on me too....i knew it...the way they look at u.....the way they talk to u, or don even talk to u....could tell....very obvious....i was determined to do better than them....With onli 1mth away frm Olvels....i slogged my guts out....with some luck and some help from my close frens who studied wif me....i got a L1R5 of 8pts for the O's.....i'm not shy to say that i'm proud of it....yah, i noe dat it's not reali the best, and there are many who are much better than i am...but I can finally hold my head up high and say that i got it cos of my own effort....on the dae we got back the results, i walked over to KFC...
Me: KFC (of cos not, i called Mrs Koh as usual), i got A1 for Bio (smirkin a little, hehe)
KFC: good lor....(nothing else to say)
Me: (walks away, feeling good for myself)
hahaz, i noe it's a little childish....but well, i was onli 16 back den...
Most of my frens did very well too, most of them got below 10 as well....my WiseUtd bros....we proved to those who looked down on some of us....dat we r better than them....and we reali did better than many others....
Anderson JC
I was nearly retained in J1...onli got promoted with the credit of meeting the minimum criteria....sad....i was forced to drop an Alvl subj cos of dat...
I did not attend first 3mths JC.....i didn't like it....CJC.....i couldn't stand the principal and the school....so i quit after onli the first dae.....I persuaded Junming to go work with me...and so we did.... thinking back, i still believe i made the correct choice.....
Again, some teachers didn't like me in JC.....Paul THam and Mr Yip, maths c and phy teachers...alwaiz preyed on me in class with questions....they knew that i don do my work and juz wanted to test me....well, most of the time, i couldn't ans, and of cos i'd get sarcastic remarks or some scolding.....
I didn't do exceptionally well for my Alevels.......i guess i ran out of luck......i tink i was still considered lucky....i made it to NUS Engineering....
sighz...thinking back....i was reali an immature, unappreciative....undeserving teenager.....i muz hav angered many and disappointed even more ppl along the way.....
I felt bad for my mum....she gave me all the freedom in the world....i could almost do anything without even consulting her.....and yet i abused dat freedom....she had to go to school every semester cos i did too badly....and i made her so embarrassed cos of dat.....i've apologised to her alot of times nowadays....and she oso appreciates that i've changed...
I wasted like over 10yrs of my life?? yah...i did...there were onli 2 things i knew in life, which was soccer and juz simply having fun....i oso suffered some setback in NS which i don wish to tink abt......i was simply terrible, downright horrible and a wastrel at dat.....
which is why i've learnt to appreciate and be reali thankful and grateful that i still have wat i have in life todae.....
which is why i reali CANNOT tolerate those ppl who take for granted ppl or things which they have....
which is why i alwaiz like to motivate frens nowadays cos i don wan my frens to fall into the trap which i did.....
This is a very long post....and it's actually intended for my own reading and reflection....but for those who have made it to this point, i'm sure it has answered many questions abt my past attitude, my present attitude and why i behave in certain ways and why i alwaiz say certain things.....
Right now, i noe wat i want in life....and am focused.....I certainly do not want to take anyone or anything for granted, i certainly do not want to let anyone down, i certainly want to make my parents and loved ones proud of me....i certainly want to see all my friends and myself being happy....and lastly, i certainly do want to succeed.....
Tis sem hasn't been too good for me so far..i'm not giving up nevertheless..onli 0.08 away from First Class.....i'm not letting go when I can oredi see the half-way line....
I hope all my frens will achieve wat they want too....looking at some of my frens now, i'm reali proud of some of them....and i reali reali hope that all my frens will be happy....
Thanks Icy...for bringing back our fond memories.... =)
i haven't finished reading the emails though....another 50+ pages...i'm having a great time reading them....
If you don't even bother to take dat 1 step out, no one can ever help you....
That's wat i've learnt....
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