Monday…

I feel a desperate need to blog right now…I’m not supposed to cos I’m working right now…but if I don’t, I think I’ll go crazy….

The results of the Wharton Business Plan competition has been released….we didn’t get into the finals….

I am facing a very complex mix of feelings and emotions….I’m not sure how to deal with this…at least not now….not at this moment….

Having come so far as to the semi-finals, it had already exceeded my initial expectations…I was proud of the fact that without any prior experience, with limited business knowledge prior to the NOC program and with many problems and issues that cropped up during that 4months when the competition was in the first few phases, I could still have made it that far….

Expectations of oneself naturally rise with achievements, and that is the same for me as well, especially when I consider myself as someone who sets very high standards for all my endeavours…

Guess what?
I am actually beginning to feel ashamed of myself….I don’t know why….I’m not supposed to…..but I AM…..
I’m feeling kinda ashamed that I have been kicked out/eliminated/removed/etc at the semi-finals stage…I feel ashamed that I can’t get into the finals…..arghhh….
It is very demoralizing and derailing as we set out to prepare for the other business plan competition which we are also in the semi-finals already…

At the same time, at the other end of the spectrum, I am relieved that because of this, I won’t have to face the pressure of working with my teammate on this competition anymore…but the bad news is?
I still have to face him as we work on the other competition together…..

I have been under a lot of pressure lately….way too much….ever since the beginning of this year….the accident that happened to my friends, the unrelenting amount of workload I have had to bear under strained conditions, the inter-personal tension with my teammate and everything else that had come my way in this foreign place where I have to put out every single fire myself and to fight every single war alone…

In the face of adversity, I am never afraid nor weak, but…even great heroes face insurmountable obstacles sometimes….and I feel like I am in that situation right now…

That accident that happened to my friends was terrible….It took away a life and two potentially successful people of tomorrow…One of them was my closest friend here…

The tension with my teammate has been very hard to handle…In order to avoid confrontations or unhappiness, I have been trying to avoid working with him on anythg as much as I can..

This is because I am trying not to let it affect our friendship….

But, it has not been working out too well….

The workload….This, I can only blame myself for thinking that I am superman….I took on commitments that came from all directions…I take on the toughest role for an intern in the company, I accept two business plan competitions, I am in the EXCO of the committee here, I attend all kinds of networking events, I work EXTREMELY hard in maintaining my relationships with family and friends back in Singapore (which I value the most) and so much more…and all this while taking the full coursework load of 40mcs equivalent in NUS…

I must be a madman…

I haven’t taken a real break in donkey months….Day in, day out, weekday or weekend, I am constantly racking my brains, working on something….

I barely get enough sleep on weekdays, and I do not have any chance to catch up on weekends either…

When I travel, I bring my work along so that I can get things done on the plane, at the airport, in the hotel at night….How stupid is that….

You know what?

The good thing is that my energy levels are still as high as before, if not higher. My enthusiasm is burning strongly, my passion for all the good things in life, my self-belief and confidence are at all time highs….

But I am really in need of a good rest….

It’s time to pick up the pieces of this competition…..and move on….I’m not sure how I am going to repair this damage….but it has to be done somehow…

Give me a break….Cut me some slack….
I need it….

I have to learn how to deal with failure….Many entrepreneurs had failed umpteen times before they eventually succeeded big time.

If I can’t handle this, how can I aspire to be a successful entrepreneur?

Period.

Time to reflect….and to recover….

I feel nauseous…

Confused...