Sunday aftn....
taking a 10min break from ineffective studying.....
ppl blog for various reasons; to update frens abt their lives....to destress, to get media attn? etc etc....
icy mentioned to me dat she blogs to destress....i guess dat's the same reason which i do....and to update my frens of my life oso(i'm assuming that there r frens interested of cos)....haa...
well, it reali hasn't been easy...the last 2 wks....i hav to admit that i'm reali not used to being single...it's tough, well, at least the beginning is....i still cant get used to it....weiliang mentioned to me before...when he broke up wif his gf....i didn't believe it....now i do....i've alwaiz been one who fears loneliness....i dono y....it's juz me....and i'm feeling so right now....all the time....it's like a huge chunk of my life has been taken away....and i feel so handicapped...especially when i'm alone at home...or even when i'm surrounded by family and frens, i still do feel the emptiness...
isit juz me? do i hav some problem? damn, i seriously hav no idea....tis juz sux...wrong timing...i cant concentrate on studying at all....at ALL.....concepts are not going in without my mind being distracted every 2mins....equations simply cant be solved for whatever reason.....my logical tinking is going heywire....all chaotic.....
i alwaiz take pride in being someone who knows what i want in life and having full control of my own destiny....but wat does tis show? am i a weakling in disguise? i reali dono...tis is very disruptive....
tis is my form of destressing...by complaining, grumbling, and maybe cursing(in my room)....aniwaiz, thks janus....i reali appreciate ur kind gesture....reali touched....fortunately u r not a gurl...otherwise...haa...juz kidding la...i'm in emotional turmoil now.....
reali gotta harness my inner reserves of mental strength and fighting spirit to overcome this tough hurdle....no one can help me besides myself i guess....and deservedly so since i hav onli myself to blame....
back to work and lunch....
tis is harder than i thot.....
6 comments:
times and times, we do have feelings of loneliness. it normal man. it normal to feel lonely, feel down. the only difference is how u get back. how u dont put urself in that state often. perhaps, sometimes, take a step back, u may find life so beautiful again and get the strength to move on. sometimes, we shld think that we dont really live for ourselves, we live for others. with that in mind, life will be so much meaningful n beautiful. imagine someone is living out there cos of u. :)
hmmm, yah, i am trying to imagine dat...my thots r still clouded now though...is this normal? i guess so? hav u experienced tis before? yah and aniwaiz...u are? if u don wanna say it's okie too...cos i still appreciate ur advice...thks lotz...
well, i dunnoe what went wrong in your relationship, or shd i say, past realtionship... but i can tell you that you seem like a confused man. Reading all your entries prior to this, u seem to be enjoying your life but now it seems to me that it's all part of the picture you are painting- the picture that you are better off without your ex- girlfriend. Is that really the case? i suppose u are the only one who knows the answer.
at the end of the day, there is really no need to blame yourself... instead of blaming urself, do something about it. ask ur heart what u really want, u will find the answer. By portraying the image that everything is fine to all your frenz out there, but intense loneliness, emptiness etc etc when u are alone, yes... i dare say u are a weakling in disguise. face up to what you want!! It seems to me that u are not even sure y u let go of that relationship at all. Or is it just another case of feeling that u are so in control of your life, as in that is not the destiny that you want? man, you got to know what you really want and go for it. Once u put your life back on track, u will realise that all the emotional turmoil u are going thru is extinguished.
from what u say about you have only yourself to blame, i really wonder what you did wrong.. and it seems to be that you are having regrets on what has happened. what i can tell u is it is no point having regrets when u are feeling low and when u are feeling hyper, tell the whole world what a great life u are leading. At the end of the day, u are still a lonely man deep down. Look into ur heart, what do u really want? sometimes, all u need to do is to follow ur heart and u wont go very wrong. Perhaps, or shd i say i am just guessing, that u actually gave up ur past relationship in pursuit of some other thing or somebody else that u tot was more important in life, and now u are feeling otherwise. Man, it's normal,it's just human nature to pursue what we deem as better... but, often we actually have the best, without realising until we lost them.
i really hope that you will not let emotions get the better of you... cos from what u wrote, u would fall for just any one who showers u with loads of TLC now. trust me, it's really no point. seek for the solution, not run away from it or try to take options as solutions. Dun hurt others in the process. It's a cruel thing to do.
be strong... at the end of the day, you decide what a person u are; there is no need to answer to anyone.
i wish u all the best in seeking the answer u want... i know u know best...
hmm, u do noe me quite well don u? i gotta concede that i agree to some of the comments u made...they r in fact quite true, sensible and logical...
thks for the advice man....i'll rem ur pointers and use them as a guide to weather the storm...yah, i guess i do hav to toughen up or else all i'll be doing is wallow in self-pity...and i do noe wat i want in life, i juz gotta get past this initial phase of change and uncertainty, and yes, i'll remember and make sure that i do not let my emotions get the better of me...
wow...thks bro...i reali appreciate it...
ohh yes, and i juz hav to add, i gave it up cos i had my reasons for doing so, and legitimate and sensible ones they are....for everyone...
i wouldn't want to talk abt them here....but yah...juz to allay any speculations abt my integrity....
anyhow, i reali reali appreciate ur advice....thks again....
i must say you seem much clearer now... your words are certainly starting to show. i have no doubts about your integrity, nor am i doubting your decision to give your relationship up. i suppose that u are mature enough to know what u want. the reason i said all that is simple- for u to think thru all that has happened in your life once again and to remind yourself that this is like what u said, a passing phase u have to tide over. Man, it is not easy, we have our ups and downs and it is not possible to be strong all the time. Just like how roots are important to plants, our decisions in life are what we hold on to in 'bad' times. i suppose that is exactly what u have to do now. i am just hoping that you do not hurt anyone in the process of trying to be strong urself. it is not going to be fair to anyone at the end of the day.
u can definitely do a good job in handling ur emotions, i am more than just sure u can... just bear in mind that we cant be greedy in life, got to really take things one step at a time. If we are not going to be kind to ourselves, who's going to be kind to us? so, no pt pushing urself too hard. face it, we need time...
am glad that my comment did make u clearer. Honestly, i wasnt trying to provide advice at all, just want u to think thru everything n verify the path u have decided on... at the end of the day, i hope u find what u really want.
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